Did your parents praise you?

There is one thing that almost no one willingly admits: those who received little appreciation from their parents as children often find it much harder to feel worthy as adults. And we're not just talking about general insecurity, but about real impacts at work: from burnout to a tendency to always become the “savior” of others. Psychologist Daniela Renger explains it this way: the hunger for recognition that develops in childhood carries over everywhere, even to the office. We are used to thinking that a little self-esteem is enough to overcome the past, but the point is that the need to feel seen by others never completely goes away. And here comes the twist: it's not just a matter of childhood. Even as adults, the way we receive – or don't receive – appreciation shapes our trajectory. Daniela Renger, whose profession is to study self-esteem and the psychology of recognition, recounts that many people come to her convinced that “it’s too late now” to fill the gaps in affection or esteem. Instead, she says, the brain is surprisingly plastic: learning to acknowledge one's own successes, even small ones, changes the way we feel and relate to others. Daniela recalls a patient who, having been raised by very distant parents, had become a successful manager. Yet any negative feedback, even the slightest, would send her into a tailspin for days. Only when she started giving herself praise and acknowledging her own progress without waiting for others' judgment did she see a real change. Science confirms this: those who experienced a lack of praise as children run the risk of two opposite outcomes—either closing themselves off and avoiding risks for fear of failure, or throwing themselves into a thousand endeavors just to finally get that “well done” that never came. But there is also a surprising fact: according to recent research, the way we are praised matters more than the amount. One genuine, specific, and sincere expression of appreciation is far more powerful than a thousand generic compliments. And this isn't just a personal matter: employers who truly recognize their employees also achieve better results, lower turnover, and greater motivation. However, there is a little-discussed way out: learning to give oneself the recognition one expected from others. It sounds like a motivational poster slogan, but it forms the basis of the most up-to-date self-esteem therapies. And for those who are parents or bosses, the lesson is clear: Praising someone doesn’t mean inflating their ego; it means truly seeing the person in front of you, noticing the details, and being sincere. The next time you receive a compliment, pay attention: does it make a bigger impact on you if it's specific? And how do you feel when you don't get one? The overlooked aspect of this story concerns those who reject praise. We often think that people who downplay compliments are simply humble, but there may be an old wound behind it: if no one has ever made you feel truly worthy, you learn not to believe it even when someone tries. It all comes down to one point: the hunger for recognition never goes away, but you can learn to satisfy it on your own. One genuine expression of appreciation can change your day more than a hundred polite phrases. If this idea has helped you see praise in a different light, on Lara Notes you can mark it as relevant to you with I'm In – whether it's a personal experience, a belief, or just an area of interest you want to pursue. And if you find yourself talking about it with a friend, perhaps sharing the story of that manager who fell apart at the slightest criticism, on Lara Notes you can tag the person you discussed it with using Shared Offline—so that conversation truly stays with you. This insight comes from Süddeutsche.de and has saved you several minutes compared to the original article.