Narcissism, selfies, and social media: Is my child too self-absorbed?

When you feel that the self-esteem of today’s kids is becoming a problem, consider this: A bit of narcissism is normal; in fact, it is a normal part of growing up. According to a child psychotherapist, the real issue is not whether your child takes too many selfies or updates TikTok every five minutes, but what happens next. The question almost everyone asks is: Is this generation growing up too full of itself? The answer is more surprising than it might seem: narcissism in adolescents is not a danger in itself. It's like an outfit you try on during puberty. The problem only arises if they keep it on for too long, and this is where parents come into play. Imagine a mother who, instead of asking her son how he really feels, only encourages him when he gets a lot of likes. Or a father who only comments on his daughter’s physical appearance in her selfies, never on her kindness or her thoughts. In these families, narcissism can become a permanent feature. But in homes where value is also placed on what is not seen – such as the courage to make mistakes or the ability to listen – transient narcissism fades away. A thought-provoking fact: the psychotherapist argues that parents’ consistent presence and genuine interest are more powerful than any social media algorithm. Even though kids spend hours online, what really shapes them is how they are seen at home. The perspective that is often missing when it comes to social media and narcissism is this: demonizing TikTok or Instagram is pointless if indifference or an obsession with image reign at home. You can turn off every phone in the world, but if no one asks your child who they want to be, the problem remains. Selfies are fleeting; the hunger to be truly seen endures. In the end, it’s not social media that makes people narcissistic, but the lack of genuine mirrors at home. If this idea sounds new to you, on Lara Notes you can indicate it with I'm In: it's the gesture of someone who feels that this perspective is now part of their way of looking at kids. And if you happen to discuss this with another parent—perhaps over a cup of coffee, wondering if you’re really listening to your children—on Lara Notes, you can capture that moment with Shared Offline, so the other parent also knows that you’ve retained that conversation. That was a stern piece – you've just saved yourself a few minutes of reading and perhaps discovered a different question to ask yourself.