Why do men find it so difficult to go to therapy? What needs to change

Imagine this: on average, men only seek psychological help once a crisis has already spiraled completely out of control or they have fallen into an addiction. This is not an exaggeration; it is the daily reality in many practices. The common belief is that therapy is for the weak and that being open about one's feelings is dangerous. But that is precisely the misconception. Most men are afraid of having to strip down emotionally, as Dominik Kling, men's counselor and couples therapist, puts it. He says, “Men are worried about having to expose themselves emotionally.”What's behind this? Many grow up believing that they have to be strong, unshakable, and independent. Showing weakness is seen as failure – not only to others, but also to oneself. As a result, many men only seek help when the psychological strain is so great that nothing else works. Kling has seen that men often only come to his practice after years of stress, withdrawal, or even violence. They then say things like, “I can't take it anymore, but I don't know how to get started.”The numbers confirm this: men seek psychological help less frequently, and when they do, it is often too late. One reason for this is that many therapy services are still geared more toward women – they focus heavily on talking, reflecting, and openly expressing feelings. What would actually help? According to Kling, therapists and counseling centers need to pay more attention to the specific needs of men. For example, they could adopt a more solution-focused approach or offer methods other than the traditional conversation. What is almost never addressed in this context is that many men experience the role of the “problem solver” as a trap. They only perceive themselves as functioning as long as they don't need help. Then, when everything falls apart, they are at a loss for words—and sometimes also lose faith in therapy itself. However, the real challenge lies elsewhere. If we want more men to seek help, we need to change not only men, but also the system. It's not enough to tell them, “Just don't be afraid.”We need to rethink the image of masculinity and create spaces where men also feel safe showing vulnerability. In the end, there is a simple truth: Therapy is not a sign of weakness, but of courage. If, after this conversation, you feel that this applies to you personally, you can press “I'm In” on Lara Notes – that's not a like; it's your way of saying, “I'm taking this with me.” And if you talk to someone about this perspective on men and therapy, you can also use Shared Offline on Lara Notes and tag the person you shared the topic with. This interview is from Süddeutsche.de, and it has saved you about two minutes of your time.