Why narcissists are deeply sad – and why that can be dangerous

When you think of narcissists, you probably picture someone who loves themselves, constantly wants to be admired, and has little empathy for others. However, according to psychiatrist Thomas Fuchs, behind the narcissist's façade, there is often something entirely different: deep sadness and despair. The common perception is that narcissists are self-centered individuals who consider themselves the greatest. But Fuchs says: “Narcissists lack a fundamental sense of being at peace with themselves.”In other words, they feel empty inside, unloved, and inadequate. The result? Their entire behavior—the constant quest for admiration, the arrogance, the belittling of others—is actually a desperate attempt to mask this inner emptiness. Imagine Thomas Fuchs: a professor of psychiatry, but above all, someone who, in his day-to-day work at the clinic, repeatedly encounters people who appear strong on the outside but suddenly burst into tears during a conversation because they feel worthless. One of his patients, a successful manager, once said, “I've achieved everything, but I hate myself when I'm alone.”That is the hidden side of narcissism – not self-love, but self-deprecation. Statistics show that narcissists suffer from depression at a higher than average rate. In a large study, nearly 40% of people with narcissistic traits reported regularly experiencing deep sadness. Another point: Many narcissists learned as children that they are only worth something if they are perfect. This makes them dependent on approval—and extremely vulnerable if they do not receive it. Fuchs warns: It is precisely this vulnerability that can become dangerous, because at some point, the facade crumbles. Then the whole thing can spiral into anger, aggression, or even self-destructive behavior. However, there is also another perspective: Not everyone who appears self-confident on the outside is necessarily a narcissist—and not every narcissist poses a danger to others. Some are primarily dangerous to themselves because they are not allowed to show their sadness. In the end, one sentence sticks with you: narcissists are not in love with themselves—they are desperately searching for themselves. If this resonates with you or reminds you of your own experiences, you can use the I'm In tag on Lara Notes to indicate that this perspective is now part of your own. And the next time you get together with someone and tell them why narcissists are often actually sad, you can tag them with Shared Offline—that way, the conversation will be remembered. The idea comes from an interview with Professor Thomas Fuchs on Stern.de – you just saved yourself about 4 minutes of reading time.